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Non-Review Review: Abraham Lincoln – Vampire Hunter

Posted on June 19, 2012 by Darren

The biggest problem with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is that it’s so mundane. You have this concept that is so incredibly ridiculous that you can play any number of ways – wacky “history-xploitation”; Hollywood “meta”-spoof; absurd parody. And yet director Timur Bekmambetov instead produces on of the most bland action movies imaginable. Despite the “wait? did the poster really say…?” premise, this film could be any action vampire movie ever. All Bekmambetov did was to swap speeding cars for horses and carriages, and cast a slightly taller lead with a badass taste in hats and facial hair. I’d argue that the problem with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is that it takes itself too seriously, but there’d be some fun in playing something like this absurdly straight. Instead, it’s just a generic action and adventure film with a slightly quirky title.

He was just clearing through his old things and… (four)score!

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, Bekmambetov, Benjamin Walker, dominic cooper, film, hollywood, Jefferson Davis, liam neeson, Lincoln, Movie, non-review review, Oval Office, review, Rufus Sewell, Seth Grahame-Smith, tim burton, Timur Bekmambetov | 1 Comment »

Non-Review Review: The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959)

Posted on June 19, 2012 by Darren

Back in its heyday, Hammer Horror had a reputation as an assembly-line studio, churning out cheesy exploitation horror after cheesy exploitation horror with an efficiency that would make battery farmers jealous. I won’t pretend that the reputation is entirely undeserved, although I do have a certain fondness for the delightful schlock the studio would produce. Still, I think that this reputation tends to overshadow the occasional gem that the studio would produce, something that managed to transcend the cost-effective scenery and cookie-cutter approach to film-making. While it probably isn’t the definitive adaptation of the tale, Hammer’s The Hound of the Baskervilles is still an absolute delight for gothic horror aficionados.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it…

Note: This review contains spoilers. I consider a classic novel and fifty-year-old film to be fair game.

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: André Morell, Arthur Conan Doyle, Baskerville, Benedict Cumberbatch, Doctor Watson, film, Hammer Film Productions, Henry, Holmes, Hound of Baskerville, Irene Adler, Moor, Movie, non-review, Peter Cushing, review, Sherlock, sherlock holmes, watson | 2 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Posted on June 18, 2012 by Darren

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow evokes pulp science-fiction cinema with an earnestness and an eagerness that is endearing, if not infectious. Although the special effects have dated significantly in the time since the movie’s release, it’s hard not to admire director Kerry Conron’s use of computer graphics to forge a connection to classic cinema. However, one senses that Conron might have been better suited to emulate the mood, rather than merely the appearance, of these old adventure serials. The problem is that despite its rather wonderfully crafted appearance, there’s never anything in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow to really get excited about. And that’s a shame.

A ray of hope?

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: Alfred Hitchcock Presents, arts, captain america, CaptainMarvel, Collecting, Conran, Father's Day, film, games, Gwyneth Paltrow, John Williams, jude law, Kerry Conran, Laurence Olivier, michael gambon, Movie, New York City, non-review review, orson welles, Retro-futurism, review, Sky Captain, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, superman, United States, video games | 11 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Red Lights

Posted on June 14, 2012 by Darren

With Buried, Rodrigo Cortés demonstrated a skill for executing a Hitchcock-esque high concept. While it wasn’t an entirely successful experiment, it demonstrated that Cortés was a talent to watch. His follow-up, Red Lights, affirms that potential, though it also fails to entirely deliver on its fascinating high concept. Cortés shows a real talent for the technical craft of direction – for framing his shots, use of colour and light and space, pacing and even editing. Writing, directing and editing this film, he demonstrates skill with big ideas and high concepts, as well as skill on a frame-to-frame basis. However, he’s still missing some connection between the two – some intangible skill at developing big ideas into dramatic story beats to fit his own style of film-making. That’s not to say that Red Lights isn’t a fascinating a well-crafted film, just to explain that there are some fundamental flaws.

Do you believe?

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: Buried (film), Cillian Murphy, Elizabeth Olsen, film, Filmmaking, Joaquín Rodrigo, Joely Richardson, M. Night Shyamalan, Movie, non-review review, Paranormal, Red Lights, review, robert deniro, Rodrigo Cortés, sigourney weaver, United States | Leave a comment »

Non-Review Review: Sleeper

Posted on June 14, 2012 by Darren

Sleeper is an enjoyable Woody Allen film, coming from relatively early in the director’s career. He had yet to direct either Annie Hall or Manhattan, arguably his two most popular works, but was coming off a string of well-regarded movies. Sleeper is an affectionate look at many of the science-fiction movies that Hollywood was producing in the late sixties and early seventies, to the point that Allen himself actually sat down with Isaac Asimov to make sure the science-fiction elements of the script were kosher. However, Sleeper is remarkably fluid, allowing room within that framework for Allen to really explore any and all ideas that might possibly have occurred to him. The result is, to borrow a quote from the poster, a highly enjoyable and almost whimsical “nostalgic look at the future.”

Robot in disguise…

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: Allen, Annie Hall, California, charlie chaplin, Diane Keaton, dianekeaton, film, Isaac Asimov, Manhattan, marlon brando, McDonalds, Movie, New Jersey, nixon, non-review review, president, review, richard nixon, Secret Service, Sleeper, United States, United States Secret Service, Watergate Scandal, white house, Woody Allen | Leave a comment »

Non-Review Review: The Five-Year Engagement

Posted on June 13, 2012 by Darren

The Five-Year Engagement is the best romantic comedy of 2012 so far. Reuniting the talents of Jason Segel and Nicholas Stoller, the film manages to offer a refreshingly frank and honest perspective of romantic relationships. The interactions feel more organic, the third act crisis is rooted in something more primal and relevant than some idle miscommunication and the resolution isn’t based on the notion that people can inexplicably change. Like Segel and Stoller’s superb Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Five-Year Engagement is predicated on the assumption that love must mean accepting and embracing your partner for who they are, rather than what you want them to be. It’s a little depressing that this moral feels almost subversive in this day-and-age of formulaic and generic romantic comedies, but there’s no denying that The Five-Year Engagement is head-and-shoulders above most of its competitors.

They’ll get married this year… in a pig’s eye…

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: Alison Brie, amy adams, Emily Blunt, film, Five Year Engagement, forgetting sarah marshall, jason segel, Judd Apatow, matt damon, mila kunis, Movie, Nicholas Stoller, non-review review, review, Romantic comedy film, Segel, The Five, Violet | Leave a comment »

Non-Review Review: Final Destination

Posted on June 12, 2012 by Darren

I am actually quite fond of the original Final Destination. Don’t get me wrong, it has its flaws (and some very fundamental ones at that) and the sequels drove the concept into the ground, but it actually has a fairly original premise for a teen horror movie. I’m fond of horror as a genre, and I’ll freely admit that I’m quite exhausted by the perpetual cycle of slasher movies or ghost stories or ghost story slasher movies. Instead of adhering rigidly to the conventions of the teen horror film, Final Destination feels like something of a breath of fresh air. It’s a well-constructed teen horror movie, even if it does fall into many of the same traps and issues.

Ali onboard…

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: Adolescence, Alex, art, Baby, birthday, Blankets and Bedding, children, Diaper, film, final destination, Glen Morgan, god, Horror film, John Denver, Movie, non-review review, review, Seann William Scott, Shopping, Slasher film, Toilet, Tony Todd, Transportation, United States, wes craven | 4 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Alien vs. Predator – Requiem

Posted on June 7, 2012 by Darren

To celebrate the release of Prometheus in the United States this week, we’ll be taking a look at the other movies in the Alien franchise.

Alien vs. Predator: Requiem is pretty close to indefensible. I’m not the biggest fan of the original Alien vs. Predator, but I’ll concede the film throws a few interesting ideas into a disappointingly generic and less-than-enthusiastic monster mash run-around. While the first film wasn’t original, it at least looked to acknowledge its hokeyness in places. In contrast, the sequel is just soul-destroyingly mundane, taking anything that had been unique or compelling or interesting about these two iconic movie monsters and rendering it all completely pointless as it devolves them to the equivalent of generic teenager slasher villains.

Death of a franchise…

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: alien, alien vs. predator, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, Brothers Strause, Ellen Ripley, film, james cameron, Jason Voorhees, Jesus, Motion Picture Association of America film rating system, Movie, non-review review, Paul W.S. Anderson, predator, Prometheus, review, ridley scott | 13 Comments »

Celebrating 100 Years of Paramount in Poster Form…

Posted on June 6, 2012 by Darren

I’m a sucker for a bit of movie nostalgia. To celebrate 100 years of Paramount, Gallery 1988 in Los Angeles have released this special and stylish poster counting down many of the iconic films they’ve released over the years. While I’m not too ashamed of how I did, I’ll freely confess that I didn’t quite get all of them. Might make a nice game over the weekend. Anyway, check it out below and click to enlarge. Awesome.

Filed under: Movies | Tagged: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, art, arts, Channing Tatum, Film poster, G.I. Joe, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Memorabilia, Movie, paramount pictures, paul rudd, poster | 2 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Alien vs. Predator

Posted on June 5, 2012 by Darren

To celebrate the release of Prometheus in the United States this week, we’ll be taking a look at the other movies in the Alien franchise.

I like cheesy movies. I have a fondness for those old fashioned mix-and-match creature features from back in the day. I have a remarkable tolerance for some of those incredibly awkward B-movie adventures featuring relatively bland characters trapped in a strange and slightly illogical situations. As such, I’m probably a bit fonder of Paul W.S. Anderson’s creature-feature fight-night beat-’em-up schlock-fest Alien vs. Predator. I’m not so fond that I’d argue it’s a good movie – in fact, I’d readily concede that it’s a disappointing lifeless husk of a movie. However, I will concede that there are some interesting concepts and ideas buried quite deeply in the middle of that film.