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Non-Review Review: Unknown

Posted on February 24, 2011 by Darren

This film was seen as part of the Jameson Dublin International Film Festival.

Unknown is not, despite what it may want you to believe, anything to do with Taken. I have a sense that audiences catching the film without that pre-existing expectation might enjoy it more than others, but I can’t help but feel the movie suffers by comparison to the earlier film in the “Liam Neeson as badass action hero” subgenre.

Taken for a ride?

Note: By its very nature, this review will involve the very slightest of spoilers. I will literally be discussing the first twenty or so minutes of the film, and I doubt it’s any more than you could discern from the trailers, but I figure it’s worth flagging with the spoiler-conscious out there.

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: action, Berlin, Diane Kruger, facebook, films, identity theft, james woods, jameson dublin international film festival, Jaume Collet-Serra, liam neeson, liamneeson, Movies, non-review review, paris, review, Seine, taken, taken (film), thriller, Unknown, unknown (film) | Leave a comment »

Non-Review Review: Transformers – Revenge of the Fallen

Posted on October 19, 2010 by Darren

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is one of those films that you have heard so much about that you feel almost obligated to check out. It’s like a challenge. “It can’t possibly be that bad,” you laugh off criticism from just about everybody you know, “I mean, if it’s that bad, it has to at least be entertaining – you know, in the same way that Ed Wood films are entertaining?” And those people reply in what gradually become pleas, imploring you to just accept that it’s a terrible film and let it go. And yet, it’s like a “do not touch” warning to a small child – it draws you closer, attracts your attention, arouses your curiousity. It couldn’t be that bad.

Oh, but it is.

Two-and-a-half hours of torture...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: action, Bad Boys II, Cloverfield, Decepticon, films, John Turturro, megan fox, michael bay, Movies, non-review review, review, shia labeouf, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen | 5 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Punisher – WarZone

Posted on October 15, 2010 by Darren

Punisher: WarZone is not a good film. But it’s not necessarily a poorly-made film, either. There’s a fair amount of skill on display here, but the problem is that the movie never seems to be sure how seriously it wants to be taken. Perhaps the closest point of reference is one of the well-made Steven Seagal films: it spends a great deal of its time delivering what amounts to ridiculousness while offering itself to the audience with a stoic face. It’s a fairly entertaining piece of disposable action fare, but it’s nothing to write home about.

Oh shoot, it's another Punisher movie...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: action, Colin Salmon, comic book, Dominic West, film, Garth Ennis, jigsaw, lexi alexander, marvel, Movie, Movies, non-review review, punisher, punisher war zone, punisher warzone, Ray Stevenson, review, the punisher, wayne knight | 2 Comments »

Non-Review Review: From Paris, With Love

Posted on September 7, 2010 by Darren

Mister Morel, I watched Taken, I knew Taken, Taken was a film of mine. Mister Morel, this is no Taken.

No can do, apparently...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: action, arts, bond, from paris with love, From Russia With Love, john travolta, jonathan rhys-myers, luc besson, monty python, Movies, non-review review, paris, pierre mortel, review, Roger Moore, sean connery, spies | 4 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Executive Decision

Posted on September 6, 2010 by Darren

Are you manly? I mean really manly? In a way, Executive Decision is kinda what I was hoping for when I heard about The Expendables. It’s not an excellent movie, or even an exceptional one – in fact, it can be cynically described as “Die Hard on a plane” – but it’s a perfectly serviceable action movie that gets bonus points for never trying to be anything more than what it is. There’s not tangential romantic plot or half-hearted attempts at characterisation: the movie is all business. And that business is attempting to give its audience testosterone poisoning.

Not quite plane sailing ahead...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: action, Andreas Katsulas, animation, Armand Assante, arts, B.D. Wong, die hard, Executive Decision, films, Halle Berry, J.T. Walsh, Joe Morton, john leguizamo, Kurt Russell, Middle East, Movie, Movies, non-review review, oceanic, oceanic airlines, oliver platt, president, review, reviews, steven segal, tom clancy | 2 Comments »

Non-Review Review: The Expendables

Posted on August 20, 2010 by Darren

Nostalgia is a double-edged sword. When it was mentioned that Sly Stallone would be putting together a dream team of action movie stand-bys – Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Dolph Lundgren – our minds immediately go to a happy a place. We remember the joys of films like Rambo: First Blood or Die Hard or Total Recall. However, we forget that a great many of the films produced over that iconic era we look back to were also just plain terrible (or, at best, woefully mundane): Red Heat, Cobra, Tango and Cash, among many others. Sadly The Expendables stands more with the latter than the former. Which is a damn shame.

Sly managed a long and arduous shoot...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: 1980s, action, actions movies, Arnold Schwarzenegger, bruce willis, Dolph Lundgren, eighties, Eric Roberts, expendables, film, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Movie, non-review review, review, sylvester stallone, the expendables | 4 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Posted on August 17, 2010 by Darren

If it weren’t for Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World would be the most visually impressive film of year. Maybe it still is. This tale of adolescent irrelevence might have a bit of difficulty finding an audience, but it certainly deserves one – it’s a pure kaleidoscopic sugar rush of youthful exuberence and energy, all focused through a simple but effective emotional narrative. Indeed, perhaps its closest companion is (500) Days of Summer, the breakout romantic comedy of last year – except this time the emotional complexity is dialed down and the visual flair way up. And neither of those are bad things. In fact, as part of Edgar Wright’s latest film, they are actually quite genius.

Scott packs quite a (cup of) punch...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: action, brandon routh, bryan lee o'malley, choreography, chris evans, edgar wright, ellen wong, films, graphic novel, Ireland, kieran culkin, Movies, non-review review, review, scott pilgrim, scott pilgrim vs. the world, universal pictures, universal pictures ireland, visuals | 4 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Predators

Posted on July 9, 2010 by Darren

It must be genuinely one of the toughest and most unforgiving tasks in moviedom to produce a belated sequel to a beloved franchise. Even Spielberg and Lucas messed up in producing the long-delayed Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or Lucas’ prequels to Star Wars. The original film has just been lying there so long that it has built up its own legacy and reputation – to the point where it’s arguably not so much a film as a legend. Okay, maybe the original Predator and the modern Predators shouldn’t really be classified as legends in the same way as the earlier examples (or, say Chinatown and its disappointing follow-up The Two Jakes), but this is undeniably a cult franchise. The good news is that – while far from perfect – Predators actually lives up to its legacy quite well.

Preying for a way out...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: action, adrian brody, adrien brody, alice braga, alien, alien vs. predator, aliens, aliens vs. predator, avp, film, hish, horror, laurence fishburne, Movie, Nimrod Antal, non-review review, predator, predators, review, robert rodriguez, topher grace, Yautja | 11 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Demolition Man

Posted on April 9, 2010 by Darren

I love Demolition Man. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.

Eye see you...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: action, be well, comedy, demolition man, dennis leary, fascism, films, future, huxley, jack black, john spartan, los angeles, Movie, murder death kill, mvoies, non-review review, review, san angeles, science fiction, simon phoenix, simon says, sly stallone, sylvester stallone, the demolition man, the three seashells, three seashells | 3 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Taken

Posted on March 18, 2010 by Darren

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

– Bryan Mills

Let’s face it, if the above quote doesn’t appeal to you then you probably aren’t the audience for this action flick.