Posted on January 18, 2010 by Darren
Surrogates is a solid actioner with some great ideas, a recycled plot and an above-average director. In short, it’s quite satisfying for what it is. Perhaps beating Avatar to the punch (and certainly dealing with its core ideas in a much more interesting fashion), it imagines a future where human beings can interact in the real-world much as they interact on line at the moment. Denying genetics or lifestyle, they are able to craft a robotic body double to their own design (skin-colour, age, sex, weight, height) to send out into the world, allowing them to live via uplink. You could live your entire life without ever leaving your bedroom. It isn’t exactly a new idea in science-fiction, but it’s certainly a big idea for an action movie to tackle. Thankfully, it manages very well.
You know it's a messed up future because Bruce Willis has hair...
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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: avatra, bruce willis, james cromwell, jonathon mostow, non-review review, review, science fiction, surrogates, ving rhames | Leave a comment »
Posted on January 15, 2010 by Darren
Something’s happening… And it’s happening all over the East Coast… And it’s just happening to people without a reason… And… oh, that’s what’s happening? What the hell was M. Night Shyamalan smoking? Probably some killer grass.
It's a car crash of a movie...
Note: This review contains spoilers. But I’ll flag them beforehand. Still – you have been warned. Oh, and – if you’re looking for a recommendation – the only appeal of the film is in the ‘so bad it’s good’ category. It’s the movie that Lesbian Vampire Killers wishes it were.
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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: ecology, evolution, film, hitchcock, horror, intelligent design, M. Night Shyamalan, mark wahlberg, Movie, non-review review, plants, review, science, the happening | Leave a comment »
Posted on January 14, 2010 by Darren
I like to think that I can appreciate a movie for what it is. I was even able to find something positive to say about The Land of the Lost, for crying out loud! Still, this doesn’t stop Lesbian Vampire Killers from being one of the worst films I’ve seen in quite some time (The Reader and Deception are the only other two movie that stick out so strongly in my mind). Paul McGann is literally the only thing that is anyway half-decent in the film, and – much like his lead role in Doctor Who – he is sucked into the mindless vacuum of crap which surrounds him. Who the hell thought this was a good idea? Really?
Look, Paul McGann, if your religious relics couldn't keep you from getting tied up in this mess, they're probably not going hold off that rampaging sexually-liberated blood-sucker...
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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: hammer, hammer horror, james corbet, lesbian vampire killers, lesbian vampires, matthew horne, Movie, non-review review, paul mcgann, review | 1 Comment »
Posted on January 13, 2010 by Darren
Before Star Trek, JJ Abrams had his eye on another geek property. The Mission: Impossible franchise has had bit of a rocky history, with a deconstruction helmed by Brian dePalma and an explosively mind-numbing shaving commercial of a sequel from John Woo. With the Bourne franchise already checking the box for an American spy movie franchise, it seemed that the odds should have been against JJ Abrams’ action movie vehicle. In fairness, he doesn’t manage to entirely revive the franchise or provide a kickstart to a cinematic series, he merely provides a solid action movie with a bit more sparkle than most. In hindsight, it almost seems like it was just practice for his directing duties on Star Trek.
Somebody's Cruisin' for a bruisin'...
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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: ethan hunt, jj abrams, mission impossible iii, mission: impossible, mission: impossible 3, Movie, non-review review, review, tom cruise | Leave a comment »
Posted on January 12, 2010 by Darren
It seems that, despite Watchmen and Avatar, 2009 may not have been the year of the almost completely naked blue people. Between Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Observe and Report, it was the year of the shopping mall security officer. There was a lot of discussion branding this as the ‘grown up’ Paul Blart movie. If ‘grown up’ means in awful taste and incredibly soul-destroyingly depressing while featuring a heap of sex, violence and drug use, then yes – this is a grown up film. And when it works, it does beautifully. But it simply doesn’t work consistently enough.
Ronnie really needs to 'cop' on to himself... no?
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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: anna faris, comedy, film, jody hill, mall cop, michael pena, non-review review, observe and report, ray liotta, review, seth rogan | 2 Comments »
Posted on January 11, 2010 by Darren
Much like the titular train, The Taking of Pelham 123 runs almost perfectly to schedule, making all the mandatory stops. Sure, it is confined to the storytelling tracks of a cut-out hostage drama, checking all the necessary fields. It doesn’t do this in anyway exceptionally, nor does it do anything original or daring. Still, Tony Scott is a very talented director and he has two more-than-capable leads to work with, so we have a perfectly mediocre action film to work with.
Travolta trains (geddit?) his sights on a hostage?
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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: denzel washington, film, hostages, john tavolta, Movie, non-review review, pelham 123, review, subway, the taking of pelham 123, tony scott, train | Leave a comment »
Posted on January 10, 2010 by Darren
What an odd film. Part buddy comedy, part adventure movie parody, Land of the Lost is a chronic mess of a film. However, I see cult appeal looming on the horizon. At the very least, it should become a solid stoner movie.
The only thing scary than one lumbering extra in a fake-looking reptile costume is five lumbering extras in fake-looking reptile costumes...
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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: anna friel, camp, comedy, danny mcbride, film, kitsch, land of the lost, Movie, non-review review, review, will ferrell | Leave a comment »
Posted on January 6, 2010 by Darren
I’ve always said that great movies take the audience on a trip somewhere, so it’s really appropriate that The Hurt Locker brings viewers on a trip to hell. Or as close as it is possible to get to hell on earth. A place where flies roam the bodies of the still living in the desert heat or where even the cats walk with limps and scars or where the dead are stuffed with explosives to mount an attack upon any member of the living not callous enough to know better than to care. This is Iraq, where anything – and anyone – could turn out to be fatal and this is the story of those who survive there, those who die there and – against unlikely odds – those who thrive there.
Sadly, Guy Pierce's improvised retelling of "Moon", complete with homemade space suit, did little for troop morale...
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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: guy pierce, iraq, iraq war, jeremy renner, kathryn bigalow, Movie, non-review review, ralph fiennes, review, the hurt locker | Leave a comment »
Posted on January 5, 2010 by Darren
It seems that the cast and crew took the entirely wrong message out of the hugely successful (commercially and critically) Casino Royale. A brilliant combination of fancy stunts and grittiness that called to mind the series’ recent challengers in the Bourne series, Royale reinvented Bond for the naughties, in much the same way as GoldenEye did for the nineties. Unfortunately, Quantum of Solace seems to be based around the assumption that the reaction to Casino Royale was based solely around the modern aspects of the film, rather than the fusion of the old with new, so Solace ends up being Royale without the knowing grin. And it’s a shame, because the knowing grin is part of what makes Bond Bond (perhaps moreso than gadgets, gizmos and world domination plots). Don’t get me wrong, the action in the sequel is nothing short of fantastic (possibly surpassing even its progenitor in the action sweepsteaks) and the movie is well put together, but it just lacks the firm sense of identity which defines the best of the Bond movies.
Bond admits he might be getting a bit old for these crazy college nights out...
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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: bond, casino royale, daniel craig, film, ian fleming, james bond, Movie, non-review review, quantum of solace, review | 1 Comment »
Posted on January 5, 2010 by Darren
Dying kids are a story device that should always be considered very carefully before you use them as a storytelling device. On one level it’s because it’s a very tough blow to deal the audience, but – on a more sophisticated level – because it can horribly misfire and seem like blatant emotional manipulation. Which, in fairness, all movie-making is – but you don’t want the audience cottoning on to that fact or you’re ruined. The illusion is shattered. Unfortunately My Sister’s Keeper isn’t smart enough to be aware of either of these risks in framing a story around a dying child suffering from cancer, so it smashes through both ideas like two large window panes before staggering blindly through the china shop of the tangental moral issues it raises. And yes, even those awkward and ham-fisted analogies I just fed you are more subtle than the movie itself.
Cameron Diaz really wants the part of Blofeld in Bond 23...
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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: abigail breslin, alec baldwin, cameron diaz, film, grief, jason patric, loss, Movie, my sister's keeper, non-review review, review | Leave a comment »
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