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Non-Review Review: The Expendables 3

There is something almost laudable about The Expendables as a movie franchise. Like science-fiction conventions do for other genre performers, The Expendables provides retirement planning and income for a bunch of performers who might otherwise have passed their sell-by date. It’s vaguely reassuring to know that sometimes life (and ass-kicking) begins at fifty, and The Expendables is endearingly sincere and upfront about this function – giving action stars who might seem over the hill one last go around.

That goodwill is stretched to breaking point with The Expendables 3. Nobody expects a particularly insightful or well-constructed script for a film like this, but the screenplay is a mess. Structurally speaking, The Expendables 3 feels like it is being held together by rubber bands – rubber bands that are being stretched to breaking point with the film’s two-hour runtime. There is a tighter and exciting movie to be found in The Expendables 3, but the movie awkwardly lumbers past earnest and into indulgent.

Going to town on this one..

Going to town on this one..

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Non-Review Review: Drop Zone

I’m going to level with you up front. I was born in the late eighties, so – in ways – I’m a child of the nineties. I grew up with cheesy action movies, and I have a certain fondness for that sort of outrageously cheesy nineties action thrillers. Hell, I’ll confess to being a huge fan of Demolition Man, for cryin’ out loud. So, in the interest of full and frank disclosure, you should know that I probably have some form of bias in favour of Drop Zone before you read this review. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s a great film – I’d struggle to even describe it as “good”– but, if you know what you’re going in for, it can at least be entertaining.

Oh, chute!

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Non-Review Review: US Marshals

Robert Downey Jr. apparently once described the film as “possibly the worst action movie of all time.” That’s quite a statement. Too be honest, it’s just a little bit sensationalist from the actor, but it still doesn’t mean that U.S. Marshals is a good film, even on its own merits. When it stands in the shadow of the movie it was intended to follow, the superb Harrison Ford adaptation of The Fugitive, it seems even weaker.

They had some neck making this film...

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