j.k. simmons | the m0vie blog

Non-Review Review: The Tomorrow War

Posted on July 1, 2021 by Darren

The Tomorrow War is a mess of a movie.

Rumour has it that Amazon paid $200m to acquire the movie from Paramount Pictures, which has taken the pandemic as an excuse to offload films like The Lovebirds, The Trial of the Chicago 7 and Coming 2 America. Blockbuster cinema is still something of a siren call for streaming services, with Paramount famously able to entice Netflix into buying The Cloverfield Paradox as a big post-Superbowl release. However, it’s notable that most major studios would be reluctant to part with a surefire financial hit.

“We need to have grown up conversation about how many deaths are acceptable in an alien invasion.”

The Tomorrow War feels very much like a streaming era blockbuster, something to fire up on television rather than to enjoy in cinemas, something that might be justified as a perk that comes with all the free shipping rather than a movie that is worth the audience’s time and attention (and the price of a ticket) on its own merits. The Tomorrow War is a clumsy misfire of a movie, essentially three different movies awkwardly stitched together with a bloated runtime and no internal coherence.

This would be a problem if any of the individual three movies were good. It’s somehow worse for the fact that all three are awful and are worse in combination.

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: Amazon, amazon prime, chris mckay, chris pratt, j.k. simmons, non-review review, review, the tomorrow war, time travel | Leave a comment »

Non-Review Review: Contraband

Posted on March 14, 2012 by Darren

Contraband is a thoroughly enjoyable little thriller, albeit one with several significant flaws. Indeed, “thorough” seems to be quite the word to apply to this smuggling caper, as director Baltasar Kormákur and writer Aaron Guzikowski seem intent to wring every possible thrill from the basic plot. While it can lead to some seemingly disjointed tangents, it ensures that there is always something happening, even if it feels like the movie never really develops its core ideas. Still, it’s a solid thriller with a wonderful cast and an interesting enough central premise.

It'll counterfeit right in...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: Aaron Guzikowski, Baltasar Kormákur, Ben Foster, Brother-in-law, Caleb Landry Jones, Chris, Contraband, Diego Luna, films, Giovanni Ribisi, Heist film, j.k. simmons, kate beckinsale, Lukas Haas, mark wahlberg, Movies, non-review review, review, Reykjavík-Rotterdam, Smuggling | 4 Comments »

Non-Review Review: The Good Doctor

Posted on February 24, 2012 by Darren

This film was seen as part of the Jameson Dublin International Film Festival 2012.

Much like its protagonist, there’s something not quite right about The Good Doctor. It’s undoubtedly fascinating, as a young doctor makes a series of questionable moral decisions that lead to a variety of uncomfortable situations, but there’s no real internal life to the movie. You can see what is happening, and you realise the consequences, but the script and Orlando Bloom’s headlining performance never allow you to immerse yourself in the title character. You know what Dr. Martin Ploeck is doing, and perhaps you can intuit a reason, but he never seems tangible. That is perhaps the most significant flaw with the movie. Then, of course, there’s also the third act.

Window of opportunity...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: arts, Bloom, djimon hounsou, film, Film Festivals, films, Good Doctor, j.k. simmons, Martin Ploeck, michael pena, Movie, non-review review, Orlando Bloom, Patient, review, Taraji P. Henson, Wine tasting descriptors | 4 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Extract

Posted on September 15, 2011 by Darren

I’m honestly not quite sure what to make of Extract. Ironically for a movie about a factor producing flavour additives, the movie seems lack a flavour of its own. Is Mike Judge’s effort a quirky and eccentric anything-goes laugh-out-loud fest, or is it a more conventional cookie-cutter comedy? The film seems to fluctuate between the two extremes, at times playing incredible safe and yet occasionally swinging for the fences, adding to a vaguely disjointed feeling to the whole thing.

Meeting of the bored...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: ben affleck, Clifton Collins Jr, DavidKoechner, Extract, film, j.k. simmons, jason bateman, Kristen Wiig, Mike Judge, mila kunis, Movie, non-review review, review | 2 Comments »

Non-Review Review: Spider-Man II

Posted on March 27, 2011 by Darren

This is a post as part of “Raimi-fest”, the event being organised by the always wonderful Bryce over at Things That Don’t Suck.

Aside from Nolan’s two superb Batman movies, Spider-Man II was the only other comic book superhero movie to make my top fifty films of the last decade. There’s a reason for that. Part of it is the fact that the movie helped define what the second film in a superhero franchise should really look like, but a larger part of it is that this film represents the moment at which Sam Raimi seemed most at home with his beloved central character – and I think that genuine enthusiasm on the part of the director really shines through over the course of the film.

I reckon Spider-Man polls highly among superhero fans...

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Filed under: Non-Review Reviews | Tagged: Andrew Garfield, arts, Aunt May, bruce campbell, bryan singer, Comics, films, j.k. simmons, Movies, non-review review, peter parker, Raimi, review, sam raimi, spider man, stan lee, Steve Ditko | 6 Comments »

Non-Review Review: I Love You, Man

Posted on October 5, 2009 by Darren

There’s a lot of potantial here. Guys and their friends typically relate differently than girls and their friends. And nothing interferes with a wedding quite like a guy and his best friend – even if both the marriage and the relationship with the best friend are a great idea. The problem is that I Love You, Man doesn’t go anywhere with its interesting notion and it insists upon tackling the question of how the sexes relate in the most immature way possible. This is the bromantic equivalent of Sleepless in Seattle rather than Chasing Amy or (500) Days of Summer.